you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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