Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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