This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
