Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
