she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
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