Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
