Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
