It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
