who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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