I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
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Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
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It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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