I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
