Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
she told me i tasted like america
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
