textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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