it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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