how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Randomize
