imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
