I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
