I never want to see another naked old woman again.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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