i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
