addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
