It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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