The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
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He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
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Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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