The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
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