That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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