have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
