I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
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I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
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It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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