I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
