I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
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I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
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I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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