It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I need moral support for this bender
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
