I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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