I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
