I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
