My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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