Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
