my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
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