how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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