her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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