i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
