genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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