They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
