i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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