Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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