just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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