Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
not ubering you a puppy
Randomize
