Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
