So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
