I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
