There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
