I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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