To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
