his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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