I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
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I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
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After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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