I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
