i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
