I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
