i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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