Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
