i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
