Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
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Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
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You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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