I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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