My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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