Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
