Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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