i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
