I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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